I am going to be doing stand-up comedy on April 27th and May 5th at a club called Comix in the city. I got in touch with a couple people there, and they have agreed to give me 5 minutes of time on the mic. If you are in the area, I would love for anyone and everyone to come. If you aren't in the area, then come anyway. I know you have a car, so what's the fucking problem?
I have provided an FAQ that should help answer some of your questions. The club's real FAQ is on the website, in case you were looking to wear your mesh tanktop, but it's all pretty standard.
If you have any additional questions, please fire away. I'll be right here, curled up in a ball under my desk, trying to come up with something funny.
What makes you think you're going to be funny?
I don't. I am just going to take a shot and see how it goes. I think I have a decent feel for what makes a good bit for stand-up comedy, but there's no telling how it will work out. Hopefully everyone comes to have fun and they laugh along with my silly little rants. Or I could run off the stage screaming and crying. Either way.
Why are you doing two dates?
April 27th is downstairs in a smaller room (seats about 50) for an open mic. This will serve as a bit of a test run for the May 5th date, which is upstairs in a much bigger room. The May 5th is the bigger event and if you can make it to either date or both, I would love you for it. If not, I still love you, but I'm not in love with you.
Why does it have to be during the week?
Because my name is Bryan Brown, not Chris Rock.
But weeknights are bad for me.
That's not a question. They're bad for everyone. Suck it up and come anyway.
What time do the shows start?
They start around 9 and I've been told I will go on around 930, but this is subject to change. I suggest getting there early (the website says 45 minutes beforehand). That also allows us to get in the necessary amount of drinking it will require in order for me to get on stage.
Do you think it's unprofessional to not know the time you're going on?
Look, they are in charge. So if they say get on stage and mop up vomit, then that's probably what I'm going to do. I mean, probably not, right? But just get there early. Everything should be starting at 9. I will let you know when I know any different.
Fine. How do I get tickets?
This is very important. For tickets for the May 5th please call the reservation line 212-524-2500 and make sure you tell them you're coming to see me, BRYAN BROWN. You have to mention my name. The cover is $10 and it's a two item minimum, meaning you can combine a food item and drink item as your two if you want.
The April 27th show is NO cover charge and a ONE item minimum. As I said, I'd love you to come to both, but the May 5th one is considered "bigger." If April 27th works better, then that would be great because that will be the real first time.
Why should I pay $10 when I've been getting it free for years?
Because those days are over. I will now only be funny in exchange for money. But seriously folks...it goes to the club of course and I don't associate with poor people so I know you can afford it. Now give it up.
Will the jokes be better than the ones in this entry?
Parking and directions?
The club is on 353 W 14 St and 9th Ave. Whether you're in or outside of the city, you can get driving/subway directions here.
The website also details parking if you need it. And please ask questions in full sentences.
Can I heckle you?
Nigga I wish you would.
So what's supposed to come of this?
I don't know. Hopefully it goes okay and you all enjoy the evening. If you don't enjoy it, then I hope I do, because my joy is more important than yours.
Maybe the club will like me and invite me back. Maybe I'll meet some other people in the industry and another job opportunity will present itself. Maybe I'll bomb horribly and you will never think of me the same again. Regardless, at least I will go to work the next day knowing that I am making moves and that I didn't lose my soul without a fight.
Ultimately it should just be a fun way to get together and have some laughs. Please come if you can. Your support really means a lot.
And, for the record, if you don't think I'm funny, then you probably didn't get it anyway. Asshole.