Carl Pavano: Hey, Carson! How you been, man? Great to see you.
Carson Palmer enters carrying a large gym bag.
Carson Palmer: Not so good, Carl. What are you doin here?
Carl: Oh, I'm always here, man.
Carson: But didn't the Yankees call you up?
Carl: Ehh. Yes. But I prefer it here. But what's up with you, man. Why so glum?
Carson: Have you seen us this year? Week one we got our asses kicked, and I SUCKED. Week two we got our asses kicked, and I SUCKED. Someone recommended I come here for some rehab assignments. (looks around) What is this place anyway?
Carl: It's just a gym for elite athletes like us, but without the pressures of a normal gym. No crowds. No coaches looking over your shoulder. No teammates calling your desire into question.
Carson: Well, I guess that's good. This place could be just what I need. Man, I'll do anything to get back to the playoffs. I guess it's going to take a lot of hard work. (exhales) Alright, let's get started.
Carl: Whoa, whoa. What's your rush, buddy? You just got here.
Carson: But coach said-
Carl walks behind Carson and sits him on a workout bench.
Carl: Shh, shh.
Carl rubs Carson's shoulders.
Carl: Now, who knows your body better: you or your coach?
Carson: Well, me, but-
Carl: And how does your knee feel?
Carson: My knee? Why does everyone keep asking me that? It feels fine. That was like 3 years ago.
Carl: See? You're fine, pal. Let's just relax a bit so you're nice and fresh for next season.
Carson: Next season?
Carl: Or the year after. Whatever you're comfortable with. But the important thing is not to rush it. Look at me. I could have rushed it to get back to the team, but what if I got hurt again? Who's going to pay my bills then?
Carson: Don't you have 40 million dollars from your contract?
Carl: Exactly! How am I going to live off of 40 million dollars? Thankfully, I'm only 32 years old, and because I didn't rush back and hurt myself, some other team will pay me another 40 million this off-season.
Carson: I never thought of it like that.
Carl: Well you better start. Don't push that knee, Carson. I know it's been 3 years, but better safe than sorry.
Carson: Maybe you're right, Carl.
Carl leans in close to Carson's ear.
Carl: (whispers) And you know what? When you come back? You're going to have the best season EVER.
Carson leans his cheek on Carl's hand.
Carson: Thanks, Carl.
Allan Houston jogs into the room.
Allan Houston: Hey, guys!
Allan jogs in place.
Allan: Who's ready to have their best season ever?!
Carl: You guys!
Allan: I'm so pumped!
Allan shadowboxes in the mirror.
Allan: I'm trying out for the Knicks!
Carson: But, Allan, didn't you like, retire...like, three years ago?
Allan continues shadowboxing.
Allan: Yes but now I'm back, and I'm in the best shape of my life!
Carl: That's great, Al.
Allan: Take that, Barkley! In your face, Jordan! What do you think of THIS, Mourning?!
Allan sits down clutching his chest.
Carson: But, Allan, all those guys are retired now.
Carl: Not Alonzo.
Carson: Seriously? How come I don't see him in here?
Carl: He comes on weekends.
Carl: Allan, you okay? Need a drink?
Allan: (gasps) Ohgodyesplease. Toss it.
Carl throws a gatorade; it lands five feet short of Allan.
Allan: Don't worry I got it.
Allan bends over to pick it up.
Carson: BE CAREFUL!!! MY KNEE!!!!!
Allan: Carson. I'm across the room from you.
Carson: But still...
Allan: That's okay. Keep the drink. I think I'm just gonna lay down.
Carson: You really think you can make an NBA roster, Allan?
Allan: It's just the Knicks.
Carl: Listen, we all need to take it easy so we can all make our successful comebacks. And when you're back out there in two or three years, having a huge season and signing a mega contract, you'll look back and see that all the long hours we spent resting were worth it!
They all stand up for a group high-five, but instead just shake hands.
Tom Brady walks in with his head down, reading his blackberry.
Tom Brady: Uhh, coach said I was supposed to report here to work out. (looks up) What the-
Tom looks at Carl, then Carson, then Allan.
Tom: Awwwww, FUCK.