Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Part Deux

Voted Best Smelling Reggie in North Alabama
Right off the bat let me just say if you haven't seen the video for Get Well Soon by Reggie and the Full Effect, then do yourself a favor and watch it now. If you don't feel bad for Nessie in that video then you have no soul. Amazing that they take a seemingly ridiculous premise and turn it into something powerful that you can actually identity with. I do indeed hope Nessie will get well soon.

"I wanted the bar but they gave me the hoop."
This week I got a disturbing phone call from Lindsey Mack, who will now be referred to as Asian Wife. It wasn't the typical Asian disturbing phone call, i.e. I told the bouncer I don't pay covers and ran past him, darted into the bathroom, hooked up with the Mexican attendant, and then got thrown out for taking my shirt off. No little Asian called to tell me she got her nipple pierced, followed by a creepy picture message of said piercing. She laughed at herself about it since she just did it "to be spontaneous," but I still don't think she fully grasped why it was inappropriate. So let's go over some do's and dont's with piercings and tattoos.
not get a piercing or tattoo
get a piercing or tattoo
Here's the deal, they're all gay. I know what you're thinking, "Nah mine isn't."
"Yep, yes it is."
"No, Brown, really it's not. It looks cool, people have told me."
"Hmm yea no it doesn't. People say a lot of things. I once told a girl I didn't mind Mariah Carey. I told many people I disliked Boondock Saints before I had even seen it. I once suggested someone go to Lehigh."
"Oh..wow.....well ok then." (still silently thinking their tattoo is cool)
Tattoos and piercings are like girls telling jokes: 95% of the time it sucks, 5% of the time its tolerable. When a girl tries to be funny you just wanna stop her before she tries to get on a roll, because its most likely to be corny or even annoying. You want to stop them because they don't need to do that to be cool or attractive. Humor isn't exactly why guys like girls. Do I like a girl who can appreciate a clever joke? Sure. Do I want her trying to do one-liners in front of a group of my friends? No sir. You'll never hear a guy say, "She's smart, she's kind, she's beautiful....but I just wish she knew a few more knock-knock jokes." We already like girls, you don't need to do stand-up and you don't need body art and ornaments. No matter how cool you think it is now, chances are it isn't. And if its not attractive now, how do you think its gonna look in 5 years? 10 years? Do yourself a favor and avoid the whole situation. And if you happen to be with someone who actually supports this and is into the whole "lifestyle," well then you have a lot of re-examining to do don't you.

Smoke more weed Turtle, seriously, smoke more weed.
It's no surprise that the latest episode of Entourage was great once again. I'll spare you the pseudo-review but one thing must be said: does anyone like Vince? Throughout the season he's become more and more selfish and now he's whipped on Mandy Moore, who by the way always looks like she just came from a grueling tennis match before the show. Anyway, the fact remains that the show is one of the few on television that I actually make an effort to see. HBO has far and away the best shows on television (despite the fact that they will try to convince you that it's not TV, "it's HBO"). Entourage, Deadwood, The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, CostasNOW (just kidding), and yes even Sopranos essentially comprise the best five shows on TV. The only ones worth watching on "regular" TV are Arrested Development, The Office, The Simpsons, and a handful of guilty pleasure reality TV shows. So lets just hope Vince gets over Mandy before he breaks up the group and theres one less watchable show on TV.

More War Distraction
Apparently two of the jurors from the Michael Jackson trial are now coming forward to say they regret Jackson's acquittal. "The two denied being motivated by money and tried to explain why they were coming forward now...added Cook: 'I’m speaking out now because I believe it’s never too late to tell the truth.'" Really? Never too late? That's weird cause I'd say that's exactly what it is right now. Too damn late. Cook's book is called "Guilty as Sin, Free as a Bird." "[Rita] Cosby asked Cook if the other jurors will be angry with her. 'They can be as angry as they want to. They ought to be ashamed. They’re the ones that let a pedophile go,' responded Cook, 79." Oh, "they" did? Is this book about her evil twin being on the jury, cause otherwise, it's your fucking fault lady! Where's the personal responsibility? Even if she says she got bullied into her decision, she should hold herself accountable along with the entire group. Oh no, but now it's what "they" did.I like how after the trial Michael said his life wouldn't change, except he probably wouldn't let boys sleep in his bed anymore. HA! Hey thanks, Mike! Good man. You're gonna leave our children alone? That's great news. Oh wait, you're not?...just not in your bed? Oh.

Loose limps sink chips.
Do yourself a favor and bookmark the blog of Paul Phillips. It is easily the best read on the internet. It's hard to nail down an exact profile of what Paul Phillips does, but for the purpose of simplicity lets say he's a former dot-commer turned poker pro. He uses his blog as a forum for discussion on a wide range of topics. Right now he's engaged in a debate with his readers about evolution v. creationism (and Intelligent Design Theory) and it's very entertaining. He's always insightful whether it be about poker, religion, or video games. Seeing him go off on some of his own readers is the best, though. Check it out and scroll down to see the past entries; there's something for everyone.

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