Thursday, August 04, 2005

Happy Champagne Day -- Part 1

It's been a while so lets get caught up. I'm totally out of my element: I haven't been to a bar in weeks, I actually went to the beach, and [earmuffs to under 16 and over 30] I got laid. What's the world coming to. These things don't go together. Naturally, I have no idea how to gather it all up succinctly under one heading, so it will come out as I think of it, cause its my blog and I'll do what I want.

"Is it me or did you just get out of a bathtub full of rainbows?"
The first few times I saw the Andy Milonakis Show I wasn't impressed. It seemed forced and nothing came across clever. For the most part I thought it was just a bunch of dumb jokes that were just weird enough to convince some higher-up that this was actually edgy. Well first impressions aren't always right because it won me over with a bit called Weird Compliments. Young Andy walks up to old people on the streets of New York and pays them weird compliments. He turned a corner with me when he walked up to an old man and said, "Sir, that's the smile that's gonna save New York!" The looks on these people's faces were priceless. Since then I've caught a few more and the kid is pretty funny. Highlights of the show include the "I was gonna say that" sketch, the parody of a blogger, and Andy darting in a cab then telling the cabbie to "follow that man!" and pointing to an old man shuffling down the street as the cab rolls 20 feet behind him. Lowlights include Andy being fat. Overall it's decent for MTV2, though, ranking ahead of Stankervision and behind Wild Boyz. But if it does happen to keep improving, rest assured, MTV will cancel it.

"For the last time take a good hard look."
So long garage rock. With rap in a state of disrepair since Jay-Z pretended to retire, rock is falling all over itself to take the reigns. Garage rock came in for a brief stint of refreshment. But garage rock doesn't overstay its welcome so it left just as quickly as it stormed in. As garage rock waned it seemed that the rest of rock relapsed back into homogenized TRL music. Its as if someone took Blink182, Green Day, and the Backstreet Boys and threw them in a blender then took the product and portioned them out with different band names. As a result we got Good Charlotte (yes I know they've been around for years, but they haven't been good for years either), Yellowcard, A Simple Plan, and a bunch of other kids who aren't too different. I like some of their songs too but there's no denying the similarities. The weird thing is the mix of styles. They'll have like 7 earrings, a black mohawk (spiked in the middle not shaved on the sides, ya know, just in case they have to change styles by the end of the week), a sweater vest, and a huge chain filled with diamonds. What's the plan here? It's like a high school kid with a frantic identity crisis. People might try to tell you its some sort of punk anti-fashion thing but its really just pandering to different niche markets to cover all their bases.
Anyway the music isn't that bad but it doesnt compare to the top 3 right now. If you want to err on the side of hardcore, then pick up Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance. Their two singles thus far are hard enough to get the blood going but not so hard that it creeps you out. They even show some range covering "Under Pressure." Pick up MCR's new cd if for no other reason than they are from Jersey. At the other end of the spectrum is Futures, released earlier this year, by Jimmy Eat World. A bit softer but still with several tracks that kick ass. Lyrically they might be the best band out there. Finally, Foo Fighters run the gamat with their latest release, In Your Honor. A double CD ("One Loud, One Not So Loud") that might just be their best work yet. And yes, I'm gonna be "that guy" and tell you that the radio single "isn't even the best song on the album!"

It was Leo's worst flick for a reason.
As some of you might already know, I'm not a big fan of the beach. Interestingly enough, I get a lot of flak for this. As soon as I say I don't really like going to the beach it turns into an interrogation as if I better have a damn good reason for not liking it. I don't know what it is about the beach, but people take it very personally. If I told someone I don't really enjoy going to the park, I hardly think I'd get the incredulous looks that I do from the beach people. And yet when I ask what there is to do at the beach, I always get the same unsatisfactory response.

"What is there to do?! Haha! He wants to know what there is to do at the beach! Okay, buddy, how about umm, enjoy the sun!"
"No no that's fine, but what is there to do?"
"Oh, well, you can read a book!"
"No that's reading, what is there to do?"
"Well, people play volleyball."
"Oh that's great I love volleyball, let's play."
"Well...we don't really play volleyball, when we go...per se..."
"I see. Sooo that's it then? Read or pretend to consider playing volleyball?"
" can...go in the water..."
"Go in the water? What's that."
"Ya in the water."
", ya know...around.....should I just go?"
"Would ya?"

Okay, okay, so it's not that bad. The sun is nice and the water is ok, but there still just isn't anything to do in my opinion. Beyond that is the issue of clothing, rather, the lack thereof. For some reason people think its appropriate to get virtually naked at the beach. What is that about. Here I was thinking I was being considerate by staying fully clothed at all times and yet at the shore the fattest of bastards are completely disrobing at the drop of a hat. That goes for both guys and girls, and if you've been to the Jersey shore, you know that's a large percentage of the population. So after weighing the pros and cons, I'd simply rather do something else. That's not an affront to anyone's lifestyle. You go to the beach and six flags and I'll go to the places for grown-ups. That is unless they start to allow drinking at the beach.

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